Misery Business
by Tropicalna
Summary: The Blossom and the Fox Duo they were, having never been defeated in combat, until they met a certain Akatsuki pair. Suddenly Naruto finds herself being held hostage by none other than Deidara. FemNaru, DeiNaru


**Misery Business**

**The Blossom and the Fox Duo they were, having never been defeated in combat, until they met a certain Akatsuki pair. Suddenly Naruto finds herself being held hostage by none other than Deidara. FemNaru, DeiNaru**

**Hahahaha, okay, so I started another one. XD I'm so terrible, but I couldn't resist. I'm working on the others, don't worry. And yes, Naruto IS A GIRL. **

**If anyone can come up with a better name than 'The Pink Blossom and Yellow Fox' duo, please tell me, cuz I do NOT like that name…too plain.**

**There is no particular time period…Before Gaara is kidnapped, I suppose.**

**Disclaimer**

**The Naruto Cast does not belong to me, they belong to Kishimoto Mashashi.**

**Anything that does not belong in Naruto, belongs to me, unless said otherwise.**

**Key**

"**Word" Talking**

'_**Thought**_**' Thinking**

"_**Fox**_**" Kyuubi speaking**

* * *

They were known as the Pink Blossom and the Yellow Fox duo. While their name sounded plain, they were a force to be reckoned with, having never been defeated in battle while they fought as a pair.

Many people knew them by that title, but their friends simply called them 'Sakura' and 'Naruto', as it was their names. **(1)**

Despite the forbidding rumors surrounding them, Naruto and Sakura were two laid back, down-to-earth girls who had a great insight on how the world worked.

Even now they sat at a table in a local Konohagakure ice cream parlor, licking at the ice cream that was dribbling down the cone and onto their fingers, chatting away about anything they could come up with.

Unlike in the bingo books, where she wore her hair in a French braid, Naruto had her hair down and flowing freely, the golden locks gathering about the middle of her back. Naruto wore her headband proudly on her forehead, the polished metal gleaming in the artificial lights of the parlor. Her shining blue eyes shone with a light other own however, and they seemed to scream a challenge out to any who dared make eye contact with her. Three whiskers marks adorned her left and right cheek, reminders of what she contained inside her. She wore a purely black, form-fitting shirt, and pants the color of an orange. It was not a bad color combination, but it clashed with her hair, not even complimenting her eyes. Despite what everyone said, she refused to change it; at least, until she became a Jounin.

Sakura had her hair cut short, the naturally pink strands being neatly trimmed halfway between her shoulders and her chin, while her forehead protector held back her bangs, revealing a slightly larger than normal forehead. Her emerald eyes held mirth in them as she laughed at what Naruto was saying. She wore a red suit that went past the waist, where it split into four flaps, two for the front, two for the back. She wore dark green pants underneath, and unbeknownst to many except Naruto and Tsunadae and Kakashi, there were scrolls stitched underneath the flaps. Her clan sign was imprinted on the back of her suit, proudly showing off her history, however little known, as a Haruno.

"And so then he asks me if I've ever kissed someone, and when I tell him it was Sasuke, man, you should have _seen_ his face!" Naruto babbled, placing her mouth on the top of the ice cream scoop and sucking up the melting liquid until the point where her cheeks bulged. It reminded Sakura of a vacuum.

"But then I told him it was a complete accident, and I would never love anyone but him!" Naruto finished with a smile, a lining of double chocolate chip chocolate ice cream now surrounding her lips.

Sakura giggled and bit into her ice cream, shivering slightly at the coldness the sweet treat brought. "Sai's a bit clueless about dating, but he's sure sweet at times." Sakura commented, swallowing her chunk of strawberry vanilla ice cream. "Kinda like Lee…"

"Yea, but at least Lee has an idea of flirting! I wish Sai would be a bit more, oh, I don't know, subtle." Naruto rested her head on a propped up hand.

Sakura smiled secretively. "And what do you think Sai would say if he heard that?" She asked, trying hard not to laugh.

Naruto bit her tongue lightly, squinting her eyes and looking at the ceiling as she thought about it for a moment. "He would most likely say- Hey, wait a minute!" Her eyes widened dramatically. "He's right behind me, isn't he!?"

Sakura burst out laughing as Sai wrapped his arms around Naruto and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Afternoon, Naruto-chan. I see you were chatting about me…may I go as far as to inquire what is was about me that you two found so interesting to talk about?"

"You use big words that I can't understand." Naruto pouted, sticking out her bottom lip. "Can you try something simpler?"

Sai chuckled and sat next to Naruto. "Perhaps later. The Hokage has a mission for the two of you. Something about taking care of a group of bandits on the border along Iwagakure."

"Finally!" Naruto grinned. "I'm tired of just hanging around the village with nothing to do but train and talk!"

Sakura smiled and stood up, finishing up the last of her cone before following Naruto and Sai out the door, where they were sharing the waffle cone. Unexpectedly Sai leaned a little closer and licked some of the ice cream lining off around Naruto's mouth. Said blonde squealed and turned tomato red.

She pointed at Sai, eyes wide. "See what I mean? Not subtle!"

Sakura tilted her head back and laughed.

* * *

"Naruto, Sakura." Tsunadae greeted at the two walked in. Sai had been asked to wait outside with Shizune, and already the two knew that this was more than just an average mission that was beyond killing a gang of troublesome, slightly skilled bandits.

"Yes, Tsunadae-sama?" Naruto asked. Unlike before, she was all business now. A serious expression had settled on her face as the two waited to hear the mission details.

"There are a group of bandits who have settled on our border with Iwagakure. Now normally I would send someone else on this mission, but…" Tsunadae pursed her lips.

"But?" Sakura pressed.

"We have received the information that some of them are former spies for Akatsuki."

"…"

The room went quiet, like a thick blanked had covered them all and silenced any noise that might been made.

At long last Naruto broke the silence. "I see."

Tsunadae shifted uncomfortably. "I know it's a bit risky, but I figured you would want to take a mission like this since…Erm, yes. Will you accept it?"

Sakura glanced at Naruto, who had gone deep into thought. "Naruto?"

She looked up, and a grin broke the girl's face. "We'll take it!"

Tsunadae sighed. "Good. You'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Good luck."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!" Both saluted before exiting the room, Sakura right behind Naruto. Tsunadae heard Sai's questioning voice right before the door clicked shut.

Sighing Tsunadae rubbed her temples, and ignored the urge to check her lottery number. If she had, perhaps they could have avoided the whole disaster, but she didn't, and so it happened.

Because it just so happened she had the winning lottery number for the grand lottery, and everyone knew that when Tsunadae won big time, something very, _very_, bad was going to happen.

* * *

Naruto shifted nervously as she waited for Tsunadae to finish giving details. She didn't care really; Sakura would tell her later because everyone present (Sakura, Naruto, Tsunadae, Kakashi, Sai, Lee, Shizune , and Jiraiya) all knew that Naruto never really paid attention to things like this.

Sakura had attached two curved blades to her back. The hilts were decorated a light red color with pastel pink diamonds on the flat side of the hilt. Naruto had equipped two white fingerless gloves. Hidden underneath the beautiful fur, there were four small silver bumps that could extend or retract at a moments notice into four claws, capable of piercing even Sand Jounin armor.

"And so I bid you farewell." Tsunadae finished, before gagging. "Ugh, I can't believe I have to say that to everyone who goes on missions like this."

The group laughed, Naruto's being loudest of all.

"Go on, get out of here." Tsunadae waved them off. "I expect you back within a month."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!" Sakura saluted, while Naruto grinned. "Bye, Tsunadae-baa chan."

"Be more respectful!" Sakura scolded as they started down the trail. There was a protesting whine, abruptly cut off by a solid smack to the head. "Owwww!"

Tsunadae laughed and rolled her eyes, walking back to the Hokage Tower alongside Jiraiya and Shizune. Kakashi did one of his eye smiles before heading off the training grounds.

Sai approached Lee, and the other boy looked up. "Yes, Sai?"

"Lee, I want to ask you something." Sai said. His face was emotionless.

"Ask right away, my youthful friend!" Lee flashed one of his dazzling smiles.

Sai flinched slightly as the sunlight glinted off Lee's teeth and into his eyes. "Perhaps it is just me, but I am not sure those two will come back safely…if at all."

Lee paused, and his smile faded. "I thought that was just me…" He muttered. "But you're right. There seems to be a foreboding feeling when I think about them on their way to that mission."

Sai frowned, tapping a finger to his chin in absent-minded thought. "I'll see if we can get permission to go back them up three weeks from now."

"Three weeks from now?" Lee's brows furrowed, making his eyes brows form a unibrow. "If something bad is indeed going to happen, then we'd most likely be too late. Can't you get something sooner?"

"No." Sai shook his head. "The Hokage will most likely assume that we're just worried about them, which we are, but we also know that those two can take care of themselves. We're going to have to wait…"

Lee sighed, but then brightened. "Yosh! Then we must train to fight whatever force might come to harm our beloved girlfriends! To the training field!" He took off in the general direction of the training grounds, leaving Sai in a cloud of dust. The boy cough and waved it away, following at his own steady pace after Lee.

'_Sakura, Naruto, please be careful._'

* * *

_**Several Days Later; Border of Konohagakure and Iwagakure**_

"Ugh!"

_Fwak!_

_Thump!_

_Rustle, Rustle_

Sakura and Naruto slipped into the (Ugly, in their opinions) uniforms of the bandit gang known as Thirrin Kanazuchi. They stuffed the two bodies under some prepared floor tiles. (They had snuck in and dug holes beforehand.) **(2)**

"Come on." Sakura hissed. "It's only a matter of time before they smell the bodies, and these uniforms will only help keep us disguised from a distance." **(3)**

"Right." Naruto followed her pink haired teammate through the labyrinth of hallways, suppressing their chakra signatures and keeping to the shadows. Keeping hidden was crucial at this point, if they were caught, it was all over.

Naruto soon lost track of their path, the hallways were just too confusing. Luckily Sakura had a better memory span, so she was sure they would get out of their safely…Sakura did have a better memory, right?

They arrived at two large doors, having an intricate design carved onto the wood, then painted with various colors. There were multiple hammers, of course.

The two poised themselves by the door, using transparency jutsu and masking both chakra signatures and scent. Now all they had to do was wait…something Naruto was not very good at.

* * *

"How much longer, un?" Deidara asked.

"Not long." Sasori answered. "So shut up and keep walking."

"Un…" Deidara glowered at his partner, but Sasori ignored him, continuing to shuffle along in his wooden puppet.

"Hey, Danna…" Deidara once again spoke up, after several minutes of walking.

Sasori's eyes glanced over at him. "What is it now, brat?"

"If they're ex-affiliates, why did the Akatsuki let them live? We're supposed to kill those who disobey us."

Sasori sighed, reining in his temper. "They served us faithfully for fifteen years and requested that they be allowed to live out the rest of their lives in peace. Since they had done well for us, we let them. Apparently though, they had other things in mind."

"I see…" Deidara nodded. "So they started Thirrin Kanazuchi."

Sasori made Hiroku's shoulders shrug. "Some people's ideas of living in luxury involve being the leader of lowly bandits."

Deidara snorted in amusement, but said no more.

* * *

As it turned out, Sakura and Naruto did not have to wait long. Moments later two official looking men garbed in (hideous) attire knocked on the door, and a voice from within the room bid them to enter.

Not ones to hesitate, Sakura and Naruto stealthily slid along the doors and through the gap, right before the door was shut behind the men.

The room was not large, or overly decorated. It was quite simple, and had a homey feel to it, or would have if not for the wide variety of lethal weapons that were mounted on the wall, their polished blades gleaming with deadly light that was reflected from the light that the roaring fireplace cast.

By the fireplace, in a comfy velvet chair sat a man looking to be in his late thirties or early forties. He dipped his head in greeting at the two. "Goromaru, Sahashra, welcome. What is it you have to report?"

"Akatsuki is approaching, sir." Goromaru said, keeping his eyes glued to the floor, as if afraid to meet his master's eyes. "Hanezou-sama was killed…"

The man closed his eyes. "I see…." He stood p with a flourish. "Sahashra, I want you to pretend to be me."

Sahashra nodded. "Hai, Hanezai-sama." He performed a henge, and a second Hanezai appeared from within the smoke.

Naruto grimaced. Hanezai was a coward, forcing his subordinates to take his place while he ran. It was painfully obvious that the men had no will to disobey him, and with a sudden realization, knew that they would have to kill all three men. Hanezai she didn't mind, but the other two…There would be no new information about Akatsuki today. They couldn't dawdle, because if what Sahashra said was true, then they had to get out of there, _fast_.

There was a pink flash, and Sahashra found himself with a curved katana protruding from the middle of his stomach. His eyes widened, and blood trickled out of his mouth, down his chin, until it fell onto the floor.

Goromaru was not too far behind, abruptly decapitated by a set of raking claws. His head hit the ground first, followed quickly by the rest of his body.

Hanezai's eyes widened, and he back up, reaching for one of the weapons that hung on the wall, only to find that Naruto had grabbed the giant double bladed axe he had been reaching for.

"Too late!" The blonde haired girl gave a fierce battle cry and split him cleanly in half. The man did not even have time to scream before his halves spattered all over the floor.

"We need to get out of here." Sakura said, averting her eyes from the bloody mess they had created.

"Right." Naruto looked just about ready to throw up her morning's breakfast.

As they opened the door to leave, they came face to face with a young servant girl, who looked terrified. Her wild brown hair was a mess, pale blue eyes were wide with fright. Naruto and Sakura froze, staring at her.

The girl trembled as she looked them. "Who…are you?"

Sakura and Naruto looked at each other and both frowned, worriedly. Naruto turned back to face the girl, who looked to be no older than ten.

"What's your name?" Naruto asked.

"T-Teila…" The girl stammered, still very much afraid of the two women who stood before her. They were dangerous, she knew that.

"Well, Teila, are there any other girls around like you?" Naruto asked.

"Several." Teila answered.

Naruto thought for a moment. "Listen, Teila. We're gonna give you and your friends that this place is going to blow in an hour."

"Wh-What!?"

Naruto nodded. "Get everyone out of here as soon as possible, because we're going to destroy this place."

Teila unexpectedly burst into tears. "B-but, we have no other place to go!"

Sakura flinched, feeling a bit bad now. This girl had probably only joined because she was an orphan of some sort of disaster that had befallen her family. Fortunately, Naruto had a backup plan.

"It'll be okay, Teila." Naruto reassured the girl. "Do you know where the Cloud village is?"

Teila nodded, still crying.

"I have a friend there, goes by the name of Yugito Nii." Naruto said. "Just keep heading for the Village hidden in the Clouds, and look for the trees with cat scratches on them. You'll find her around their. IF you tell her that Uzumaki Naruto sent you, than you'll be okay."

"What about the bandits?" Teila asked.

"If you want them to live, I suppose you can bring them…" Naruto shrugged.

Teila quickly shook her head. "Arigato, Naruto-sama!" She took off back down the hall, leaving a bewildered Naruto and Sakura. The two looked at each other and shrugged, simultaneously deciding that it was best if they didn't talk about the girl right now.

"We should hurry and start placing the tags." Sakura said at last. Naruto nodded. "Right. After we set them off, we won't have much time to get out of the way."

* * *

_**59 Minutes Later**_

Deidara and Sasori stopped at the edge of the plateau that overlooked the small inward cove of cliffs that surrounded the Thirrin Kanazuchi base. The base was one story tall with two floors under. What was above ground was grey and square-ish, not artistic at all, they both agreed.

It was probably another twenty minutes walk to reach it, Deidara estimated. However, he paused and frowned. "Something's off, un…"

Sasori nodded, scanning the base. "No one is there…Even if they knew of our approach, someone would have been out keeping watch…" Deidara knew that the Sasori inside the puppet was frowning.

Suddenly two blurs burst from the east entrance, running as if all the bijuu were after them.

Alarmed, Deidara and Sasori tensed, watching for any sign of danger. They found it moments later.

* * *

"Run, run, run, run, RUN!" Naruto screamed, running as fast and far as her legs would carry her. Sakura was right beside her, and neither slowed in their sprint. Any moment now…

There was a rumbling noise, and the ground beneath them shook. "Get down!" Sakura roared, grabbing Naruto's arm and yanking the other girl to the ground.

Naruto crashed onto the gravel and scraped her arms, but that didn't matter. Flipping onto her side, she watched as the building once known as the Thirrin Kanazuchi base erupted into swirling flames, the building being blown apart by a massive force. The shock waves buffeted her and sent the girls flying away several more feet, but Naruto never took her eyes off the explosion. She watched with gaping wonder as pieces of plain concrete and rods of steel were blown everywhere. Corpses were not seen, having been obliterated completely by the heat and force of the explosion.

"Wow…" Naruto breathed, still shaky. But excitement danced in her eyes as she watched the remains of the explosion die off, watched as the consuming fire attacked anything that would burn.

It was a long time before either girl stood up, or that Deidara remembered to breathe.

* * *

"That was incredible, un…" Deidara said.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Whatever, I guess we don't have to do anything now…" In a much darker tone he added, "A waste of time. Deidara, go see who those two were."

Deidara, interested in the two who had made the explosion, pulled back his bangs and zoomed in on them. His face split into his trademark grin. "Well, well, well…if it isn't the Pink Blossom Yellow Fox Duo…"

Sasori's head moved up slightly. "Those two? Then that means…" He smiled evil from within Hiroku. "Deidara, why don't we pay those two a visit?"

Deidara glanced back at his partner and nodded, insanity gleaming in the depths of his blue eyes.

* * *

_**In Konoha; Hokage Tower**_

"Hokage-sama, aren't you going to check your lottery number?" Shizune asked. "Today's the last day if you want to claim anything."

"What's the point?" Tsunadae asked. "I've most likely lost like always…but what the hell." The Hokage shrugged. "Might as well check anyways."

She opened the newspaper to where it had the winning lottery number, and then pulled out her own ticket. Lazily her eyes scanned the numbers on first the ticket, and then the paper. Her eyes widened.

"No…." She double checked. The numbers were the same.

"No, no, no, no, no….No!" Tsunadae checked the date of the newspaper.

_4th of April_

The fourth had been the day she had sent Naruto and Sakura on the mission to the Iwagakure border…

"No!" Tsunadae stood up, scattering her lottery ticket, the old newspaper, and documents everywhere.

"Tsunadae-sama?" Shizune asked, alarmed.

"This is bad…" Tsunadae whirled on her assistant. "Shizune, go find Team Gai! Naruto and Sakura are in danger!"

Shizune's eyes widened, and she ran out of the room to find said team, leaving Tsunadae alone with her guilt.

"Damn it…should have sent someone else…" Tsunadae limply sat down again. "Oh please, please be someone else…"

But in her heart the Godaime knew…Sakura or Naruto were not coming back, if not both would disappear….and they might never return.

* * *

**(1) I was originally going to put in 'Naruko' but then came up with a better idea. It'll be explained in later chapters. **

**(2) While it takes a couple of hours for the smell of rotting flesh to be detected, when people die, they lose control of their bladders….yep, they soil their pants. I know, it's disgusting, but I put it in there because it's true.**

**Constructive Criticism and Compliments welcome. Flames and Spams will be laughed at.**

**Tropi**


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